Dorinda Medley’s new book has a lot to do with the Berkshires
August 1, 2021 // By Anastasia Stanmeyer
Dorinda Medley sits comfortably in her newly renovated New York City apartment, shortly after signing hundreds of copies of her soon-to-be-released book. Dorinda has spent little time in NYC in the past year or so. She was in her Blue Stone Manor Home in Great Barrington, and a good chunk of that time was spent writing Make It Nice, which will be released August 17. The entrepreneur, hostess, philanthropist, and The Real Housewives of New York City alum felt incredibly lucky to have this home and to live in the Berkshires, where she was raised. And during these past 16 months, Dorinda’s view of the Berkshires shifted. She realized—perhaps once again, or most likely she knew this all the time—just how much this area means to her. A lot of what she is doing now is rooted in Blue Stone Manor—the new book, a new bourbon, a new candle line, an adorable new dog named Parsley, her woodland friends, her Nutrisystem ambassadorship. (Unlike many of us who are now working towards shedding pandemic pounds, she lost 17 in that time.) The Berkshires has been highlighted often on The Real Housewives and is the primary source of Dorinda’s popular social media posts. She was recently on Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing New York with realtor Steve Gold, touring an estate in the Berkshires. Dorinda knows Great Barrington inside and out, and she knows how to make it nice.
What has this last year taught you? I have been lucky to have Blue Stone Manor to retreat to. It was magical, and I look at it so differently now. I used to arrive on a Friday, have a dinner party Saturday, pack up and go to the city on Sunday. I never stayed in the Berkshires and lived it. But during this past year, it flipped and the Berkshires became my home. My weekend retreat became my safe haven. I think of the Berkshires as my home, once again. When I’m in New York, I can’t wait to go back. I look at at Blue Stone Manor as a living and breathing place now.
How has your life shifted while in the Berkshires? I’m not shopping for the weekend, but shopping for long stretches of time. I got to watch the seasons. I also learned that I really don’t own the place; the animals own it. You animals own my place! I have a bear, a bobcat with cubs that creep next to my pool when I’m gardening. I have a mountain lion that I haven’t seen in person, but I’ve installed cameras inside and outside after I started living full-time here. I can watch everything around me at night. I’ve seen a bear and a beautiful wolf. The bird situation is out of control in the Berkshires. I’ve come to terms that I am occupying Blue Stone Manor only for a period of time. It belongs to nature.
Tell me about the process of creating this book—how long it took and the challenges? If there is any silver lining to Covid—as if there is any silver lining to be found—it has forced me to be silent and take on a project. I’d planned to write this book for a long time, but I had to be emotionally and physically ready. And I was. I also can’t be distracted. I get distracted very easily. I took a great course, “Writing to save your life,” at The New School. The instructor told me that I was the best storyteller, but the worst writer. I really treated writing this book as a job. Monday to Thursday at 10 a.m. I would go to the back room upstairs and write until 12. Then I’d take off for an hour, then go back to writing from 1 to 3:30. I started the end of August. I had the stories and I knew what I wanted to write. I laid out the chapters—childhood, early adulthood, getting married, having my daughter Hannah, moving to New York City, and so on—and then filled them in.
You begin your book with wanting to give advice to your younger self. Why? I talk a lot about it, if I can talk to my younger self. I believe that we are all created equal, but it’s different when you don’t have equity. I was treated equally in my childhood. My mother made sure we were all treated equally. I grew up in Great Barrington in a working-class family. But I didn’t have equity beyond Great Barrington. I had to figure it out all by myself. I had the foundation of a good family, I had a good moral compass, my brains and charisma. I had to do it alone and on my own. I did not have the disapproval of my parents, but I was not knowledgeable enough and engaged enough in my dreams. What I would say to my younger self is that I wish I wasn’t as afraid and vulnerable. I wish I was aware of the gifts I had and believed in what I have. I was clever and smart, and I didn’t believe that fully.
How’d you do it? When I left, I realized that if I failed, I had to go back to Great Barrington. I had to reach high. I am fearless. I don’t believe in no. No is a harder form of yes.
How much a role has Great Barrington played in your life? It’s my heart.
Why call your book Make It Nice? It’s an iconic phrase. Symbolically, it means just do your best, do it right, do it with good intentions. Try, and a lot of times it doesn’t work. But try to make it nice.
Why do you want people to read this? I want people to read my book so they are inspired and know they can do it—anybody going through change or trauma, thinking how do I move forward and make change. I want this to be an inspiration, and I want to let them know that they can do it. Slow and steady win the race. Before you know it, everyone is behind you. I am slow and steady and keep chipping away. If I want something, I don’t expect it tomorrow but work towards it. You must have the patience to take the journey, dream to have it. It’s all connected.
You dedicate this book to your mom, Diane Cinkala, and to your daughter, Hannah Lynch. Why? I believe so strongly and deeply that the women in this family share an invisible string that’s almost spiritual. I felt it when I gave birth to Hannah. We are all connected.
The book has tips on entertaining? Life is like hosting a dinner. It takes a lot of preparation. It doesn’t just happen. This book will be like me inviting you over hours before the party starts to see all the work that goes into creating the final product. Not really tips, but I write about taking pride in whatever you do. I keep a set table all the time at Blue Stone Manor. You never know when Jesus Christ will stop by. Take pride in what you do. It doesn’t have to be for someone or something. I took an etiquette class in London because I was a Lehman Brothers wife. It was fantastic. It taught so much more than plates and forks and knives. Representation matters, and it gives you strength. I cook because it tells people I love them. I do it for them. People respond to that; they enjoy that. Also, what’s going on in the back kitchen is more important than out front. All the hard work must be done beforehand. No one wants to see the host with a dirty apron. When people arrive, it must be seamless. I don’t care if you work all day and there’s a mess in kitchen. Entertaining must look easy. Make it look easy and make it look nice. It has to appear to look effortless.
After the 12th season on The Real Housewives, you left. Do you miss it? It was part of my life and my journey. I loved every part of it. Once a part of the Bravo family, always a part of the family. I don’t get stuck in time. I truly believe that doors don’t particularly close; it’s just that more doors open. Life is a a patchwork quilt.
What were pivotal points in your life? The pivots started when I went to college. I got a scholarship at Franklin & Marshall College, and it was far away. Up until that point, I never went to a sleepover except at my grandmother’s. I had dinner home every night. I had to make my stake, and college was my opportunity. It was before cell phones. I cried my eyes out first year in college, I missed my mother so much the first year. Then I dove in. The second year was unrecognizable to my first. I was off to the races after that and couldn’t wait to go back. I never went back home after college.
What are you up to now? I’m very excited about the book. I have Blue Stone Manor Bourbon coming out soon, created in a distillery in Hudson, Spirit Lab. I have a candle product line from Blue Stone Manor, dark blue glass created by Christopher Todd Design, and a Christmas line of white candles. I continue to do a lot of charity work, like the “Dorobics” charity class for the Ronald McDonald House, and I have done a lot connected with Pride.
What are some of your favorite places in the Berkshires? I never miss an opportunity to go to Bizen. Also Mooncloud for their amazing artisan drinks. I love Twigs—I transform my style in the Berkshires and become bohemian chic. Marshalls is fantastic for me. I love Big Y and Guido’s. Rubiner’s for cheeses. I love Shira Glass, coffee from Barrington Roasters, Adams Café.
What are you excited to do this summer? I want to do it all— Tanglewood, Jacob’s Pillow, Miraval for a week. I want to keep enjoying the Berkshires.
Berkshire Magazine and The Bookloft are thrilled to present Dorinda Medley in a book signing event on Saturday, August 28, from 2-3 p.m. at The Bookloft, 63 State Road in Great Barrington. Stop by to see Dorinda—and pick up a book!
“If I could go back in time and give some advice to the young girl from Great Barrington, Massachusetts, who climbed trees so that she could carve out a place of her own and think, away from her two brothers and sister and the surveillance of her mother, I would tell her to stop worrying about the destination and trust in the journey. To not be afraid of falling short or taking a misstep and to embrace life as it happens. I would tell her that a person is shaped as much by their failures as they are by their successes.
Yes—that girl is me. When I was young, I would look out from the treetops and imagine what the world looked like beyond the bubble of my home. I had no idea what was out there. All I knew was that I had to see it.
It’s funny that, right now, I am writing a book about my life in the same Great Barrington, a town I so desperately wanted to venture beyond. I spent my early life devising ways to leave this small town in the Berkshires. And then, after many years of adulting life, I tried my hardest to figure out how to return home.
As a young girl I used to idolize a house on a hill that was a mile from our home. It seemed so far out of reach. Well, somehow, many years later, I now find myself owning this home. What had once seemed out of reach was now mine. Sometimes, when I look out the window, I think, How the hell did I get here?”
— From Make it Nice by Dorinda Medley. Copyright © 2021 by Dorinda Medley. Reprinted by permission of Gallery Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.